Inside he knew he’s more than a Senior Analyst. He didn’t have any proof to negate that, but he somehow knew. He can make the wittiest observations about things when he is in the mood when no-one is judging him when he’s not competing to be the funniest guy around. And it’s not fear of audience that has kept him from achieving his potential. He liked impressing people. He liked the approval and fame, even though he faked modesty when he achieved something.

Sitting on his 8th-floor desk, making yet another research report-which he won’t be presenting, he was trying to figure out what went wrong. He was turning 27 and marriage proposals had already started pouring in. He just wasn’t ready yet. He hasn’t traveled enough, he hasn’t devoted enough time to his relationships, and he didn’t play any stunt with his career. Engineering-MBA- Job. He’s been treading on the rightest path that one can take, the ‘good boy’ of his parents, the ‘gem’ of the society, that distant successful cousin for his young relatives.

The only thing that excited him every month was the message that said Rs 69,500 credited to his account. But even that excitement was fading, already eight months into the job. He has lived his middle-class dream. Had dined at the fanciest restaurants, boozed till his liver burst out and ‘Sunburned’ himself. Now questions like job satisfaction, career growth, discovering his real passion were hovering in his mind. Surely he’s moved up in the Maslow’s pyramid. He was still a rag-picker, paying EMI’s by doing the job that didn’t thrill him, hoping to buy his ‘favourite car’ in next 5 years and maybe a house in suburbs in 5 years more.

Meanwhile, the boss called for the final presentation and he perfected his most subservient smile. He studied his senior’s face as he went through his report. For next 10 minutes, it remained sedate, closely studying the details and occasionally taking notes and finally giving a reassuring smile at the end of it. But there was something missing- the kind of smile one gives when he’s excited. He was happy but he wasn’t thrilled. He was satisfied, not impressed.

The report was good and as per the requirement, but there was no element that made it interesting. He knew that the report was just the usual with no innovation at all. He knew he could have done better. He knows better. But he also knew how he becomes this uninteresting, lumpish cow when he is doing a task. He’s not allowed to fail. He just has to do it the right way. Die creativity.

Suddenly his thoughts drew to how timid he used to be when he was a child. He had to lie to his parents to play cricket with his friends. How not getting a rank was never an option. And how badass he used to be with his friends and equally wimpish in front of his family. How he never had to decide on anything, because everything was pre-decided.

He never felt inspired enough to take chances, to make mistakes and stand up for them. He was always told to play it safe. Achieve something and then demand. Don’t fight. Don’t Cry. Keep your voice down. Look the other way and keep walking…

He wondered how apart he’s grown from his family over all these years. They don’t know anything about him. What he thinks, who are his friends, what he does with his friends. He’s successfully created an illusion for them. Maybe that someday he’d be confident enough to confide his thoughts to them, without the fear of disappointing them. He still feels like a wimp.

As time elapsed, he mutilated his dreams, hoping for a suitable time. The right time. Time which never came. Talents got traded with the ‘right skills’. He has been so preoccupied with creating a cushion that he has no passion left. The strings of his guitar are broken, his start-up ideas have already blossomed under different names, and his countless writings are lost in unknown folders.

Looking across the hall, he saw faces like him. The sea full of potential that never stepped into the ocean. Some of them are genuinely happy, some of them are trying to be. Whining, abusing, cribbing and drinking away their sorrows at the end of it. Discovering happiness in their weekend movie trips and materialistic possessions.

The watch said 6: 30 PM and his intentions were clear. He typed something furiously on his system, picked up his stuff and started pacing towards the exit.

It’s Friday. Beer time!